


And here you are hurried

by keysmash



Series: Supernatural s5 Codas [26]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Community: spn_30snapshots, Episode Related, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-18
Updated: 2010-05-18
Packaged: 2017-10-09 13:29:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/87999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keysmash/pseuds/keysmash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Here is your cross,<br/>Your nails and your hill;<br/>And here is your love,<br/>That lists where it will.</p><p>from Leonard Cohen's "<a href="http://www.leonardcohen.com/music.cgi?album_id=15&song_id=4">Here It Is</a>"</p>
            </blockquote>





	And here you are hurried

**Author's Note:**

> 99 Problems coda. Written for prompt 25 of my [](http://community.livejournal.com/spn_30snapshots/profile)[**spn_30snapshots**](http://community.livejournal.com/spn_30snapshots/) [table](http://latentfunction.livejournal.com/349450.html); previous codas are also linked in that post. Title from Leonard Cohen.

Dean had left all his own stuff in the motel room. Sam's bag was still on the floor, at the foot of his bed, so he wasn't completely unprepared, but Dean had taken most of the weapons, everything they hadn't been using that night, and the back-up first aid kit, and the fucking car. He'd gone without anything that could have belonged to a civilian, and it left a bad taste in Sam's mouth.

There'd been a point in their lives, just a few years ago, when Dean might have done this because he thought it would push Sam into giving up, into taking his clothes and his laptop and settling down someplace. But tonight, after the apathy and the fatalism, the way he'd stepped out of Sam's reach over and over, and the way he'd been able to kill the whore after all, Sam didn't think that was it. Dean wasn't just trying to get Sam back in school right now. He was taking things onto his shoulders on a much bigger scale.

Sam's calls all went unanswered. He tried from Castiel's phone, from the room's phone, and Dean didn't answer. Sam got online and tried to track the GPS, without any luck. Dean had turned off somehow, the tracking or maybe just the phone itself, and there wasn't much Sam could do about it.

He did other stuff, instead, once he finished pacing the parking lot, kicking things. He found a water bottle and told Castiel to get on rehydrating himself. He finished bandaging up the minister and sent him home with the middle-aged woman who came by to check on him in the middle of the night. He told her what to watch for over the next few hours, how to take care of a concussion and to make sure the bandage held, and then the two of them left, too. He wondered why he was bothering, giving Dean this much more of a head start, but he did it anyway.

He didn't know where Dean was going. If Dean had just been going to ground, Sam would have known where to check: Bobby, or Castiel, or, before, Ellen. Sam thought they'd finally worn out their welcome with Bobby, though, even if it was just temporary, and Castiel was there with Sam, rubbing at his temples, and Ellen — well, they'd fucked that up, too, biggest of all.

If Dean had gone out for a last hurrah, he could be anywhere. Dean had favorite dives all across the country, and Sam wouldn't put it past him to drop by one on his way to — wherever it was he was going. He was the type of guy to have a girl in every port, too, and he romanticized hook-ups for years after they happened, and Sam didn't know how to tell which one of them he might visit. It could be something else Sam hadn't even figured out. He didn't know. He knew how to track people, sure, and had followed strangers and suspects before, but he'd never overthought any of that like he was now, with Dean.

Maybe he _was_ just overthinking it, blowing everything out of proportion. Dean might not even have gone anywhere, Sam thought, even as he started packing them both up. Maybe he'd just wanted a drink, and for that, needed a town with a bar, and so he'd left his flask in the room, for Sam to find under his pillow, and gotten into their car, which had a handle in the trunk as reliably as it held salt, and then proceeded to get too trashed to even answer his phone. Sam scowled before he even completed that train of thought, though. He couldn't even get himself to believe it. Dean had left, and it had been on purpose, and Sam knew why.

If Heaven and Hell had fucked things up so badly this far without either of their prize fighters in his proper vessel, Sam didn't want to know how much worse things would get if Dean said yes.

Sam was still saying no. Giving Lucifer more power, a better vessel, was a horrible idea, especially on top of what Sam had already done. He wasn't going to make things worse. But he'd also had enough dealings with the angels to know that they couldn't be trusted with the extra juice, either. Sam had met two angels he'd trusted, and one had gone back in time to try to kill his family, and the other was hungover and crabby behind him. Sam had seen them, all of them, jerk Dean around, how they'd tried to use him like another tool, and Sam didn't trust them to do anything right. Not right by the world, not right by Dean, and if he had gone off to tell them yes, then Sam was mad at him, but also mad for him. Scared, on his behalf. Earth might make it through this, and parts of humanity, but Sam didn't think Dean's chances were so hot.

It made his own odds look a lot worse, too, he guessed.

He made sure he packed all their stuff anyway. The bathroom smelled like Dean, the deodorant he used and the shampoo samples he'd lifted from a grocery store a few towns back, and Sam clenched his jaw as he put everything into the same bag. All their stuff was mixed together by the time Sam started thinking about the best place to get a car, and what to do with Castiel, but apparently, that in itself wasn't enough. Sam had made sure that he wouldn't want to leave again, like he'd done over and over again until he finally learned there wasn't anyplace else he wanted to go, but he hadn't stopped to think about what would happen if Dean left. When Dean left. It was stupid in retrospect, really fucking stupid, but Sam didn't know what he should have done differently, since none of his ideas worked.


End file.
